Who Wants To Be Charmed?
by Stephanie18
Summary: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...Charmed style.
1. Phoebe

This is Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...Charmed style. I don't own either show by the way, because I am just not that lucky.  
  
This is just humor...so... =)  
  
REGIS:  
Hello and welcome to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Tonight's show is a very special show. We've got the great people of Charmed over here, although most of them are only filling the seats, some of them will make it to the hot seat.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Can I use a lifeline?  
  
REGIS:  
The show hasn't even started yet.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Oh.  
  
REGIS:  
Anyway, put the following in numbers in order from least to greatest. One, Four, Two, and Three. And the one who got it in the fastest time was...nobody. Oh come on. Doesn't anyone know? Alright, alright. I'll make this easy. Whoever can spell your name raise your hand.  
  
[Crickets chirping]  
  
REGIS:  
Nobody? Alright. Well, Phoebe why don't you just come over to the hot seat then. Phoebe? Yes that's you dear. Come on.  
  
[Phoebe sits in the hot seat.]  
  
PHOEBE:  
That's funny. It doesn't even feel warm to me.  
  
REGIS:  
Okay. Let's just get this over with. Who were Rocky and Bullwinkle? A: Cartoon Characters - B: Pop Stars - C: Drug Addicts - D: Demons.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Um...I so wanna say C, but I think I'll go with A.  
  
REGIS:  
Amazingly, that is correct. For our $200 question. What is your boyfriends name? A: Clue - B: Connie - C: Cole - D: Cale.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Wait, wait. I think I know this one. Um...uh.  
  
[Phoebe turns to Cole.]  
  
COLE(sighs):  
It's C.  
  
[Phoebe turns back to Regis, smiling.]  
  
PHOEBE:  
His name is C. Thanks, C.  
  
REGIS:  
Despite your attempt to lose the game, you've actually managed to get it correct. Now onto the $300 question. No, that one's too difficult. Not that one either...okay this one. What do ducks say? A: Woof - B: Meow - C: Grrrr - D: Quack.  
  
PHOEBE:  
I'm just glad we had cats and dogs. That elimainates A and C. So...D? No, B. No, D. D. I choose D.  
  
REGIS:  
That is correct! No, for the $500 question. When is Prue's birthday? A: June 18th - B: March 5th - C: Who the hell cares? - D: I don't know.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Oh yes! I know in my heart it will always be C, but D. D! D!  
  
REGIS:  
For the love of pie, you actually got it correct. Now for a commercial break...  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Not so fast Regis. This is my show right now, so continue or I'll let the bunnies after you.  
  
REGIS:  
No...no...not the bunnies!!  
  
[Regis recollects himself...and changes his soiled pants.]  
  
REGIS:  
Okay. Now it is time for your $1,000 question. Who of the following is not an enemy of Batman? A: Catwoman - B: The Penquin - C: The Joker - D: Shaq.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Um...uh...  
  
LEO:  
Oh for God's sake, the answer is D!  
  
PHOEBE:  
I'm going to go with my hunch and say D.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah, that's the right answer. Yip-freakin'-ee. Now for the $2,000 question. Is there a current five dollar bill? A: Yes - B: No - C: Don't Pick This One - D: Not This One Either.  
  
PHOEBE:  
I would like to use a lifeline.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah, whatever.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Phone a friend. Hey, C, come over here.  
  
[Cole gets up and walks over to look at the screen.]  
  
REGIS:  
I'm not sure that's...oh nevermind.  
  
[Regis takes a flask from his pocket and takes a swig.]  
  
PHOEBE:  
Okay, I'm ready. I'm going to say A.  
  
REGIS:  
Yep. That's right. For your $4,000 question. You've got two lifelines, so...nevermind. Pepsi is a what? A: Soda - B: Painkiller - C: Alcoholic Beverage - D: A Supermodel.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Hmm...I was thinking cheese product, but that's not up there, so I'll say...A.  
  
REGIS:  
Right. Blah, blah, blah...$8,000 question. Who am I? A: Regis - B: Batman - C: An annoying game show host with too many TV shows - D: A weatherman.  
  
PHOEBE:  
C! C! C!  
  
REGIS:  
I'm sorry, that's...correct?! Oh come on...  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Bunnies, Regis. Bunnies. And I'm the one writing this, so just give her the $8,000.  
  
REGIS:  
F-f-fine! The $16,000 question. What is your last name? A: Jones - B: Halliwell - C: Moron - D: Red.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Um...erm...B?  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah...that's it. And you've got two lifelines left. Blah, blah, blah. $32,000 question. What is your oldest sisters name? A: Billsabub - B: Fruit - C: Bob - D: Prue.  
  
PHOEBE:  
I want to phone a friend.  
  
REGIS:  
You can't.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Please? Please. Please.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah, fine. Go ahead.  
  
[Phoebe takes out her cellphone, and dials a number. Prue's cellphone starts to ring.]  
  
PRUE:  
Hello?  
  
PHOEBE:  
Prue, this is Phoebe. You'll never guess where I am.  
  
PRUE:  
Um...Hawaii?  
  
PHOEBE:  
No.  
  
PRUE:  
Nevada?  
  
[Regis takes off his tie and starts to fasten it like a noose.]  
  
PHOEBE:  
No. I'm in the hot seat on that show where you win that money. Anyway, Prue, what's your name?  
  
PRUE:  
Well, I would go with C: Bob, but I think you should go with D. Bye.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Bye. Regis, I choose D.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah. That's right. Anyway, $64,000 question. What is your name? A: Tony Danza - B: That girl that played whatsherface in that Pie movie - C: Phoebe Halliwell - D: Freddie Prinze Jr.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Uh...can I have a 50/50?  
  
REGIS:  
Sure. Computer take away two answers leaving only one wrong answer and the right answer.  
  
COMPUTER:  
Do it your damn self.  
  
REGIS:  
Fine. Phoebe Halliwell, your choices are B: That girl that played whatsherface in that Pie movie or C: Phoebe Halliwell.  
  
PHOEBE:  
Um...B?  
  
REGIS:  
Holy checkers. No, I'm sorry. That is incorrect. Your name is Phoebe Halliwell. Yes. Hard to believe isn't it? Well, at least you get to go home with $32,000.  
  
PHOEBE:  
I don't know the way home.  
  
REGIS:  
This is what we've been reduced too. Join us next time to watch another one of these morons try to win ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  
  
[Janitor turns out the lights.]  
  
REGIS:  
We're still here.  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Look out Regis! There's a bunnie behind you!  
  
[Regis runs away screaming.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Heh heh. See you later folks!  
  
THE END 


	2. 

A lot of people wanted this...so...  
  
REGIS:  
Dear lord, how did they convince me to do this again?  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
I believe it was the bunnies.  
  
[Regis shudders.]  
  
REGIS:  
Right. Anyway, last time we all saw Phoebe go home with $32,000. Who will be in the hot seat this time?  
  
PIPER:  
Whoever answers that fingery question thingy.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah. For the fastest finger question....oh nevermind. None of you will get it anyway. Let's just see...who is first alphabetically? Oh yeah, like any of you would get that one. Miss Idiot over there didn't even know her own name. Piper, why don't you just come up.  
  
[Piper is staring blankly at the ceiling.]  
  
REGIS:  
Don't make me carry you...  
  
[Piper gets up and jumps into the hot seat.]  
  
REGIS:  
I know I've just made a mistake...anyway, Piper for $100, According to the song in the movie Mary Poppins, what helps the medicine go down? A: A spoonful of sugar - B: Drugs - C: Andy Dick - D: Cheese whiz.  
  
PIPER:  
Um...Andy Dick sounds right, but I did actually see the movie...I think...I dunno...it could be drugs too...oh what the heck, I'm going to go out on a limb and say...A.  
  
REGIS:  
That is correct. Now for the $200 question. If Leo is dead, does that make you a widow? A: No - B: Yes - C: Not sure - D: Ow, my head hurts.  
  
PIPER:  
D! D!  
  
REGIS:  
Yep. That's right. Is it just me or have we dumbed down the game?  
  
[Regis sees an ear in the doorway.]  
  
REGIS:  
Ahhhhhhhh! Um...um...f-f-for $300 q-question. What are the names of your sisters? A: Bob and Joe - B: Prue and Phoebe - C: Ester and Emmy - D: Daphne and Velma.  
  
[Piper looks at Phoebe who is in the audience.]  
  
REGIS:  
I wouldn't ask her if I were you. And your other sister has Bob issues.  
  
PIPER:  
Um...who knows? Come on. Alright, Regis I want to poll the audience.  
  
REGIS:  
Okay audience Piper here needs your help. Please pick up the data pad thing and choose one of the choices.  
  
MAN FROM AUDIENCE:  
Um...yeah. Do we get paid for this?  
  
REGIS:  
No.  
  
MAN FROM AUDIENCE:  
Pfffffft. Screw this then.  
  
[Man jumps from his seat and leaves.]  
  
REGIS:  
Okay the results are in and the audience has chosen: Regis sucks. Okay, tht's not even a choice!  
  
LEO:  
B.  
  
PIPER:  
Oh well than that was unnessacary. I choose B.  
  
REGIS:  
Why do I go on? For the $500 question. Who was the first President of the United States? A: Puff the magic dragon - B: That girl from Bring It On - C: George Washington - D: La la la la.  
  
PIPER:  
Ha! You thought you would trick me! I know that the girl from Bring It On was the 89th President. So, C.  
  
REGIS:  
Correct. I just want to stop the game and ask if you're on any medication.  
  
PIPER:  
Nope. It's all me up here.  
  
[Piper points to her nose.]  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah, okay. Now for the $1,000 question. A fact is what? A: Something that can be proven to be true - B: Another word that Phoebe doesn't know the meaning of - C: Something that happens when you sneeze - D: A cheese by-product.  
  
PIPER:  
I know it's a trick question. It is both A and B. But, for show sakes, I'm going to say A.  
  
REGIS:  
Yep. You got another one. Whoopee. That gives you $1,000, so let's move on to the $2,000 question. Who was Luke's daddy? A: The guy with the mask that talked funny from Star Wars - B: This is not an option - C: Do not pick this one - D: What B and C said.  
  
PIPER:  
Hmmm.....A?  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah. Anyway, for the $4,000 question. Which of these is the highest number? A: 4 - B: 6 - C: 72 - D: 1,000,000.  
  
PIPER:  
Sweet! An easy question!! D!  
  
REGIS:  
Er...yeah, sweet. Anyway, that's correct. Now for your $8,000 question. What state do The Simpsons live in? A: Kentucky - B: Mars - C: No one knows... - D: Florida.  
  
PIPER:  
I'm going to use my vast knowledge and say C.  
  
REGIS:  
I suppose that's right. Now for the $16,000 question. What color is your sister Prue's hair? A: Black - B: Orange - C: Brown - D: You don't know because she is not that important to you.  
  
PIPER:  
Okay, well. Let me see here. Black, no. Orange, no. Brown, no. Okay, I've elimanated all the wrong answers and now I m left with the right answer, D.  
  
PRUE:  
Hey!!  
  
REGIS:  
That is correct! Now moving on to the $32,000 question. What was the name of the musical group that featured John, Paul, George, and Ringo? A: The Prues - B: Limp Bizkit - C: The Beatles - D: The Chicken McNuggets.  
  
PIPER:  
Hmm...D sounds like it could be right. But then again, The Prues sounds like it could be okay, but I would like to phone a friend to be sure.  
  
REGIS:  
Okay, our friends at AT&T will...  
  
PHOEBE:  
Wait! You should really use 1-800-Collect.  
  
REGIS:  
Super. Piper, who would you like to call?  
  
PIPER:  
Hold on. I've got my own cellphone. It'll only take a minute.  
  
[Piper takes out her cellphone and dials a number. Then a producer comes out and hands Regis a phone.]  
  
PRODUCER:  
It's for you.  
  
REGIS:  
Do I have to take it now? We're on the air.  
  
PIPER:  
Just take it!  
  
REGIS:  
Hello?  
  
PIPER:  
What's the answer??  
  
[Regis throws the phone away.]  
  
REGIS:  
C.  
  
PIPER:  
Regis, I choose C.  
  
REGIS:  
Amazing. How on Earth did you get it right? Anyway, now it's time for the $64,000 question. What gum has the slogan Gotta Have Sweet? A: Wrigley's - B: Chuckie Cheese - C: Juicy Fruit - D: Lettuce.  
  
PIPER:  
I'm not a gum chewer myself. I don't know. Hmmm...let me think. Leo do you know?  
  
LEO:  
No, I don't pay much attention to the Juicy Fruit slogan.  
  
PIPER:  
Alright then. Regis, I think I'm just going to walk away with $32,000.  
  
REGIS:  
Alright. If you had to guess what would you say it was?  
  
PIPER:  
Probably D: Lettuce.  
  
REGIS:  
You would have been wrong, but you're walking away with $32,000 and that's alright.  
  
PRUE:  
No it's not! You get up there and you finish you wussie!  
  
[Piper gets tears in her eyes.]  
  
PIPER:  
Nothing I do is ever good enough for you!  
  
[Piper runs away crying.]  
  
REGIS:  
Okay. Anyway, join us next time for our regular players and...  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Actually, they're going to be back next time too.  
  
REGIS:  
Noooooooooo!!!  
  
[Regis runs away screaming.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
I wish he would stop doing that. Anyway, see you next time!  
  
The End...for now. 


	3. 

Alright. You wanted it. It is done.  
  
REGIS:  
Hello everyone. I've been to my therapist and he gave me some special pills. Whenever I get angry or some other terrible emotion hits me, I just take one of this little pills and I'm super! Now, we've got the gee-gosh golly darn good people of Charmed here still, so let's just get to playing, shall we?  
  
PRUE:  
Yeah, ya know something Reg, I'm just gonna go sit in the hot seat.  
  
REGIS:  
Oh, but we haven't done the fastest finger question yet and...  
  
[Prue jumps out of her seat and grabs Regis by the shirt collar.]  
  
PRUE:  
I said, it's my turn to play.  
  
[Regis stares at Prue and then pops a pill into his mouth.]  
  
REGIS:  
Okay, okay. S-s-sit down.  
  
[Prue and Regis are seated.]  
  
PRUE:  
Come on baby, Prue wants to win the million!  
  
REGIS:  
For $100. The term "in a jam" means what? A: You're faced with a problem - B: No one likes you - C: Your sisters think you're too controlling - D: You like you're toast jammed or nothing at all.  
  
PRUE:  
I know Piper and Phoebe might have been confused, but I thanks to the graces of myself, am a genius. I know for a fact that the answer is A.  
  
REGIS:  
Yeah.  
  
[Prue glares at Regis and he takes another pill.]  
  
REGIS:  
I mean...Yay! That is correct! Now it's time for the $200 question! What was Superman's weakness? A: Cheese whiz - B: Kyrptonite - C: Your butt ugly face - D: Bad ties.  
  
PRUE:  
Pfffft. This game is so easy. I don't know why everyone complains. A of course.   
  
REGIS:  
No, I'm sorry, that is incorrect.  
  
PRUE:  
What??  
  
[Prue starts to get angry and lifts Regis into the air with her bare hands.]  
  
PRUE:  
What do you mean it was wrong?? It's right to me!!  
  
[Regis takes his whole bottle of pills.]  
  
REGIS:  
Y-y-you know, t-the j-j-judges just told me t-t-that it really was correct and you can move on. You won't hurt me now will you?  
  
[Prue puts Regis down and smoothes her hair, then sits down.]  
  
PRUE:  
Hurt you? Why would I? I got that question correct.  
  
REGIS:  
R-r-right. Anyway, moving on to the $300 question. The U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing makes how many bills a day? A: 2 - B: 37 million - C: Phoebe - D: 1-800-Collect.  
  
PRUE:  
Why, my dear sweet Regis, the answer is of course B.  
  
REGIS:  
That is correct. Now for the $500 question. In the cartoon Ren and Stimpy, what kind of animal is Ren? A: A cat - B: A game show host - C: a dog - D: A manicurist.  
  
PRUE:  
Regis, Ren is a dog.  
  
REGIS:  
Right! For the $1,000 question. On the computer keyboard, what does ESC stand for? A: Eskimo - B: Escalator - C: Escape - D: Minnie Mouse.  
  
PRUE:  
Um...er...uh...  
  
PHOEBE:  
Use a lifeline!  
  
PRUE:  
Lifelines are for wussies and people who can't succeed! I've got to do it all on my own!  
  
[Prue starts to cry.]  
  
REGIS:  
Prue, why do you feel this way?  
  
*Flashback alert!*  
  
REGIS:  
Uh-oh...what have I done?  
  
*Flashback* (Prue's voice...)  
When I was seven, I was in school and we were playing the home version of some game show and I didn't know the answer, so I asked if I could get help and the teacher said no and that I should do it myself.  
*End Flashback*  
  
REGIS:  
So, now you feel that you've got to do it all yourself? And push your sisters?  
  
PRUE:  
Uh-huh.  
  
REGIS:  
Prue, it's okay. Ask for a lifeline.  
  
[The audience starts chanting 'Do it.' over and over.]  
  
PRUE:  
Regis, I want to use a lifeline!  
  
[Everyone cheers.]  
  
REGIS:  
Alright. A 50/50? Okay. Computer take away two wrong answers and leave only one wrong answer and the right answer.  
  
[Computer blows its nose.]  
  
COMPUTER:  
I-I-I was touched. I can't believe that someone could overcome such an event and be strong enough to pull through and...  
  
[Regis unplugs the Computer.]  
  
REGIS:  
A or C?  
  
PRUE:  
C.  
  
REGIS:  
That's correct! Now for our $2,000 question. What is your final answer? A: Don't pick this one - B: Not this one either - C: Pick this one, sweetie - D: No! Not this one!  
  
PRUE:  
Um...C.  
  
REGIS:  
Yes, that's correct. I think we all feel the same way. We want to stop and just give you the million.  
  
PRUE:  
Awww, how...  
  
PIPER:  
That's crap!  
  
PHOEBE:  
Just because she has a flashback she gets the million!? You guys suck!  
  
LEO:  
She probably made that story up anyway! Regis, she's been playing you all for fools!  
  
REGIS:  
Well Prue, we don't all agree, so you'll have to play on. Can you be strong?  
  
PRUE:  
I think so.  
  
COLE:  
Oh, bullcrap!  
  
REGIS:  
Anyway, for the $4,000 question. What is a bear? A: An animal - B: The most common answer to the question 'what did this to you?' - C: A dairy product - D: A cleaning solution.  
  
PRUE:  
A. Yes, I am sure of it. The answer is A.  
  
REGIS:  
Yep. Now we move onto the $8,000 question. In the game Battleship, how many ships do you need to sink in order to win? A: 40 - B: 0 - C: 5 - D: Hell.  
  
PRUE:  
Oh dear...um...uh...can I use a lifeline?  
  
REGIS:  
Of course, I'm just happy that you can finally ask.  
  
[Prue takes out her cellphone and dials a number.]  
  
PRUE:  
Leo isn't answering.  
  
LEO:  
I'm right here you moron!  
  
REGIS:  
Leo! She's been through a lot! Just give her the answer!  
  
LEO:  
B.  
  
PRUE:  
No, I don't trust him. C.  
  
REGIS:  
That's right! Now for the $16,000 quest...  
  
PRUE:  
Oh my gosh! It's almost 8'o clock! All my favorite shows are on! I'm just going to walk away with $8,000.  
  
REGIS:  
Um...okay. Well, I'll see you next time on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!  
  
[Show ends...]  
  
REGIS:  
So, who do we have booked for next week?  
  
[A producer hands him a paper...then Regis reads it and runs away screaming.]  
  
PRODUCER:  
They're not back again next week are they?  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
No.  
  
PRODUCER:  
Bunnies?  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Nope. *smiles evily* I got the cast of...Dawson's Creek!! Mwhahahaha!  
  
[Everyone runs out of the studio screaming.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
I know...it might even be too evil. Goodnight everybody!  
  
THE END...finally! 


End file.
